An Indulgent Unhappy Birthday

Someone call an ambulance, cos there's going to be a (self-inflicted) accident...

The writer in me wants to write something I'm not capable of so the wrong area of my brain is taking command -- FUCK! Well, if that's how they play, I guess we'll just live with it, since we're unwilling to do anything else. Around the world, I guess. Can't be responsible for anyone else's problems though, so I suppose I'd better mind what I say, because I'm not going to bore my responsibility on you. I don't want the trouble of the world on my arms, so I'll keep it for myself.

I ache. I listen. I feel. Revulsion could come so fast, but then again, so could pleasure unimaginable. There's sensation. Fixation. The one on whose arm I took. She would be mine but I can not have any, cos I won't. I can't. I try and I can't.

It's a curse that I love so much and love so little that I feel that love is my only salvation only because it's the one thing I truly do not have that cannot be gained, learned or taken.

INFP - "Questor". High capacity for caring. Emotional face to the world. High sense of honor derived from internal values. 4.4% of total population.

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Main type	Variant

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Enneagram Test Results Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||||| 50% Type 2 Helpfulness |||||||||||||||| 70% Type 3 Image Awareness |||||||||||||||| 66% Type 4 Sensitivity |||||||||||||||||| 76% Type 5 Detachment |||||||||||||||| 66% Type 6 Anxiety |||||| 30% Type 7 Adventurousness |||||||||||||||| 63% Type 8 Aggressiveness |||||| 23% Type 9 Calmness |||||||||||||||| 70% Your main type is 4 Your variant is self pres

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Fuck!

I don’t trust myself to write but that didn’t stop me – I have this tendency to spill everything at least the bits that will get me in trouble even when my mind is saying ALERT, INFORMATION BREACH, IMPLOSION IMMINENT – and this newfound inspiration to write comes from what has pegged me recently, in love, incomplete, insecure, intolerable – and I’ve got to say what I’ve got to say, but does that really mean I should say it? – I’m certain to regret it – and of course it’s all my fault for getting out of work late and I should’ve known that a difference in clocks would fuck it up like it did before, but before, I was the one ahead, now she is, she sleeps when I’m still blah from work – how long will she sleep? – I’m just bored, but I’m actually in love, I have been, but I trusted myself to keep myself busy, now she’s entered my mind again and she won’t get out – it’s the same trouble, and this time I have hope and it’s tearing me apart like the deterioration and erosion of the world only for something nice to possibly show – rough analogy, metaphor, and my depression did that for me – is it hormonal imbalance, because I’ve been almost 6 months without getting depressed over love and now it’s here again – I was happy and now I’m destroyed.

Astronomy at 8

The alarm was set for 7:30, but after blazing like I did, let's just say this was not an option.

Well, the other classes are salvagable.

Story and update...

I'm in Costa Mesa now, working at Red Robin and Pat and Oscar's...

It's been a long time since I felt like posting...

And now I'm working on this story which might've been Kerouac-inspired, but now bears little semblance to the author...

Comfortably Numb

Yesterday I went to work, feeling as if I had lost a part of me. I was unable to smile at work, felt like I was breaking down, and it all goes back to one person.

On an indie spree...

Peaches - The Teaches of Peaches
Belle and Sebastian - If You're Feeling Sinister
Belle and Sebastian - Tigermilk
Of Montreal - Hissing Fauna, Are You The Destroyer?
Arcade Fire - Neon Bible
Clap Your Hands Say Yeah! - Some Loud Thunder
Cold War Kids = Robbers & Cowards
Deerhoof - Friend Opportunity
Hellogoodbye - ZOMBIES! ALIENS! VAMPIRES! DINOSAURS!
Kaiser Chiefs - Yours Truly Angry Mob
Of Montreal - The Sunlandic Twins
Peaches - Impeach My Bush
Regina Spektor - Begin To Hope
The Decemberists - The Crane Wife
Belle and Sebastian - The Life Pursuit

Pat and Oscars

There's apparently one in Metro Pointe in Costa Mesa, so when I move there, I won't be looking for a first job. Hopefully. I need to get my act together fast.

my workaholic aspiration

Yeah, well I wouldn't say I am a workaholic, but I'd like to get to that point. I started working officially at Pat and Oscars yesterday, so I now have two jobs. I've been training the whole week, and I worked Thursday night at the Curtain Call. Sunday night I'm working at the Curtain Call as well. I'll have to make sure my schedules don't conflict.

I need to take a quick shower soon, but I've got some stuff washing and drying at the present time. Watching Dickie Roberts: Child Star, and bored....